Monday, September 13, 2010

New York bed Bugs.

I always had this feeling that I was special, that I would one day do something that would touch the lives of many people…. and I think that I have discovered what it is.
The Age newspaper has reported a bed bug infestation in New York:

Well…..I think this was me !!!!  I think I imported Parisian bed bugs into New York! Let me explain how. In July this year, my friend Mary and I were in Paris and were attacked by bed bugs in our hotel room…. I thought I escaped untouched, I moved on to the UK and then to New York. It wasn’t until I was in New York did the bites appear and at that point I then vacuumed out my suitcase, washed all my clothes in hot water and placed them in a hot tumble dryer (shrinking my cotton Lacoste polos in the process).  At one point soon after this in New York, a close friend was in my hotel room… and I thought I saw a bed bug on him (I am good at spotting them, Mary and I were catching them in our hotel room in Paris). Like a maniac I acted at once and struck out trying to swipe the bed bug off him. I then tried to casually stomp on it and act as if nothing had happened. My friend asked me if I was ok. I off-handedly replied ‘I thought I saw something on you, an insect or something’. I shrugged off his question and then looked about manically towards the floor for the crushed bug, all the while trying to remain causal. It had escaped!!!!!  I commented ‘Must have been some fluff’. My friend must have thought I was crazy at this point, because I was still trying to act casual, relaxed even, all the while trying to spot the fiendish bed bug… was it under the draws?, the chair? the bed?? It had escaped!! but to where?? I never did see that bed bug again. I guess it joined the rest of the illegal immigrants in the United States of Freedom and laid its eggs, doing what all racists fear that migrants (legal and illegal) will do and that is breed and take over and It has!! All because of me !!! I have had many a sleepless night worrying about my friend and if I sent him home laden with bedbugs. I have been too embarrassed to ask. I guess the articles in the Age have answered my questions.

To my friend, to New York itself and to all of its residents, I am so sorry!


  1. Your aren't serious are you Matthew? There is a general bedbug infestation in NYC. Resistance to pyrethroid insecticides being a major cause. A secondary effect of baiting for cockroaches instead of general insecticide use has led to an increaase in bed bugs too.

  2. Please.... it was very tongue-in-cheek. I know i am insecure, self-centered and prone to over thinking/taking things too far at times (ok.. most times).. but not this time.. i don't think...
    err.. i am sure...certain even that it wasn't because of me...
    anyway.. even if it was because of me... I wouldn't have mentioned it because...'what happens in NYC, stays in NYC' !! ;-)