It is lunch time, I escape the office and sit in a cafe for a change of scenery. Two young girls sit nearby and philosophise on the meaning of ‘indie’- When does ‘indie’ become mainstream.. and how great it is that more people are aware of certain ‘indie’ things, but there is now the threat that the object of discussion (which I never quite understood) is becoming ‘mainstream’ . Heaven Forbid!!!
I smile, that was me twenty years ago...my god!! has it been that long? Back then I would ponder on life and relationships, but my dreams of relationships were bound by themes of love and freedom... now I dream of love and commitment, of home, family, stability and ‘forever’.
Stability.... yes... I want security in my life... I want to know that my partner will be there when I get home- today, tomorrow and in the years ahead.... I am no longer that wild youthful man, throwing all to the wind, spitting in the eye of convention and not caring if I lost it all... for I have worked too hard for what meagre things I have and am too tired to do it all again...I dream of stability, of my man and I- arms around each other, I dream of us watching old films on the couch- one of us usually falls asleep... Lazy Sunday mornings in bed, kids running in and jumping on the bed to wake us up... teasingly discussing who’s turn it is to get the kid’s breakfast and to take them to the park... but of course we all go together- we always do.
My dreams have changed, from being of me, to being of ‘us’ and family. It’s no longer about ‘I’ and of challenging and changing the world, but about being content as ‘us’, of being in a loving relationship, during ‘normal’ things and supporting each other through life. How things have changed in twenty years.... I have no idea what I may dream of in another twenty.. hopefully I won't be dreaming of being in a relationship (for I will be in one by then)... perhaps I will dream of the day the kids move out of home and ponder on how much we can help them financially, especially when they purchase their own property.