Sunday, December 19, 2010

Recent experiences in the world of singleness.

Mr New Yorker..

Recently I was a standing in a crowded tram on my way home and saw this man that gave off a gay ‘vibe’. So… I checked him out and had that experience where I wasn’t sure if I thought he was cute or not… so was doing that ‘Hmmm.. are you cute or not?’ occasional check out . Soon a seat appears and I take it. Very quickly this man I was checking out gets off his seat and moves around into my new line of site… and checks me out.. ok... I can now clearly see him from head to toe and...Ekkk !!!! he was wearing what looked like leather pants !!! So I did what was obviously the right thing to do in this situation.. which was to ignore him. He soon zoomed over and sat next to me, did an occasional sideways look in my direction whilst reading a magazine.. which I glanced at.. and thought ‘Hmmm, ok this is a mainly text filled magazine.. not many glossy pics’.. he gets some points for that… (yes I am a snob!).. But then he places the magazine on his knee closest to me and keeps nudging it as if to get my attention…he is reading ‘The New Yorker’ Magazine… Now I just want to call him a poser... however, I am interested in how much the magazine costs, so I scan the cover and notice a sticker from the Melbourne City Library!!! Yeah.. don’t loan magazines to use as pick up props !!!!! That’s very lame…. A borrowed work of literature is fine to use as a pick up prop... but something like ‘The New Yorker’ or ‘The Wall Street Journal’, that is a no-no.

Mr Viking

Recently I meet a nice young man, who has a Scandinavian background and very early on in the conversation said that his Viking roots led him to want to rape and pillage. At first I thought this was a misplaced attempt at humour… but then he mentioned how he drinks a lot and when he drinks he gets randy and wants to fuck. Yeah.. so I didn’t need to ask what his hobbies were, because I could kind of already guess. If I wanted to be raped and pillaged I’d get myself incarcerated…When it comes to dating, call me old fashioned, but I think of nice intimate moments and mutual sharing.

Mr R who was really Mr V

Ahhh the curious case of Mr R who was really Mr V.

I little while back I met a man called Mr V for coffee. He was lovely, we chatted and kept in contact, some flirting went on and we talked about meeting up… and after considering how messy this might get, I decided the best thing to do was to keep this as a friendship.

We had met through an internet site… and I noticed that he had deleted his profile on it a short while after we had met. Recently an almost identical profile has appeared, almost identical user name, same height and stats, same type of work, same geographical area and same photo (which is close up of a part of his face). I mentioned to Mr V, ‘oh your back on line?” he denied this.. I thought he was taking the piss..after much questioning from me, Mr V went on to say that it wasn’t him, that it sounded like someone was stealing his identity (and he would need to investigate this further) and, he was really getting annoyed that I didn’t believe him.

So I did what any sensible person would do… and I messaged the man on the Internet- soon to be known as ‘Mr R’. Over several messages/chats Mr R and I flirted and it was suggested that we meet up. At the same time I was also chatting with Mr V, who kept denying the whole thing was him… I did notice that they both were away for an extended period at the same time , one said he was away on business, the other said he was very ill. I took this opportunity to ask Mr R if he watched much TV, in particular Seinfeld.. he replied that he did not watch much TV. I shared with him how much I love Seinfeld,especially the episode where George lies to his ex-inlaws about a place he has in the Hampton’s (I think), and even though they know he is lying they want to see how far he will take it… so they accept an invite to his Hampton’s place.. and George knows that they know he is lying, but just takes it as far as it will go, including picking them up and driving them out to this non existent ‘place’… Mr R, said that he didn’t watch Seinfeld, but knew the episode….. and he continued to chat and talk about a meet !!! What choice did I have but to see how far he would take this….to cut a long story short…things are now at the point where, Mr V hasn’t said hello to me in ages, or retuned my messages or calls… and Mr R.. well, he is now not talking to me, because he claims I dobbed on him to his ‘cousin’, whom he said that he had stolen his profile pic from (the close up facial feature) yeah… I know… Its all a bit fucked up and crazy.. and I obviously have nothing better to do than to spend time on it… A bigger man would have just walked away early on.. but, I am only 5” 7.. or 6, I am never sure... so obviosuly i am not that 'bigger' man..... errr unless 'bigger' means weight... height/weight ratio.. cause I have put on some weight recently ..which might now make me the so called 'bigger man'.. in which case.. I should have just walked away....

Anyway...when it comes to my recent experiences as a single man, in a nut shell:

Mr New Yorker is a poser

Mr Viking is a rapist

And Mr R is really Mr V, unless it is really the other way around and Mr V doesn't exist at all and it was Mr R all along.


  1. The problem is you started with 'i wasn't sure if he was cute" if there is the slightest bit of doubt, it is a no go...
    leather pants hey... i heard bon jovi was in town...

  2. A very good point about the 'not sure if he is cute or not' !!!
    But Bon Jovi???... please!!... He is from New Jersey if i recall.. and I had once taken out (for dinner) a Nuyorican.. Dating someone from Jersey would be a dating step backwards!!!
    I think i need to focus on bow ties... thats were true love lies and that's the dating step forward :-)