Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Change is in the air.

It’s funny, I have been waking up of late feeling this need to have more colour in my life. I awake and find myself thinking that I need, hmmm no more like ‘I must’ buy a new colourful doona/quilt cover. The ones I have are all dark blue, black or brown. I have this drive, this desire for change, for more brightness, lightness and colour in my life. I have been off work sick, but even so, I have been compelled to get in the car and buy colour. I think that for so long I hid away in the darkness. Tried not to wear too much colour least I be noticed. Sure sometimes I would feel cheeky and buoyant, so would wear a shirt with bright pink in it, but I would hide that under a grey jumper, so all that was seen was a hint of colour at the collar and cuff... but I don't want for that anymore.

Now I want to walk the streets wearing my pink shirt without a jumper or jacket covering it (sadly said pink shirt does not fit me any more…but this presents another good reason to do more shopping!). Who cares what the observers observe? Though I am by birth right a Melbournian, and we are meant to dress in black or dark colours. Fuck that. I am more than that. I am so many things and above all, I am me.

I can’t help but draw a parallel to the recent change in seasons. Though we are now moving to Autumn here, a season I love, along with Spring. I am on a different cycle. I have been in winter for so long, then late winter, edging closer to spring, where growth peeked above the ground and the bloom was not quite ready……but now it is the time for my spring. For me to bloom and be magnificent. For lightness to fill my life and for me to smile more. For me not to hide away, awkward and feeling less than anyone else, not as worthy or as beautiful. When I was the focus of attention, I was always scared that it would be uncovered in mere moments (if it wasn’t already uncovered and known) that I am not as interesting a person as people think I am, a fraud… This is the old me, these are the old thoughts. Now I think I am finally coming into my own. More assured of me. More comfortable with my qualities and magnificence. This has been a long time coming. As for me wearing more colour, don’t expect to see me looking like I just came from the set of a Bollywood movie. But do expect to see more lightness and colour than has been previously seen. And when I say lightness, I also mean it in an emotional sense…for I have been serious for too long. Life is for living.

A dear friend in the United States sent me an email response to this posting, aside from kindly welcoming me to the northern hemisphere celebration of Spring, he sent me some clips in response to the blog. I will share 2 of these with you:

'Think Pink' from the Film 'Funny Face'

and this clip of Stephen Fry on 'how to be gorgeous'

I hope you enjoy these as much as I did. Many thanks to 'J' all the way in the U.S. of A. for the emailed clips!

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