Recently I have been 'back out there' and dating. It has been fun, awkward and odd...often all at the same time. I am learning on my feet about the whole dating world and it's rules, of which everyone seems to have their own and no one shares the rules before hand. Well, that was before I came on the scene and created a little book of 'What Not to Do', which I hand out to all prospective dates. Some examples from this book have recently been posted here.
This has also got me thinking about what I should stop doing. As you can imagine, I am a little left of centre and sometimes, possibly, maybe not so fun to be around. Highly doubtable of course, but putting that in makes me look humble. So anyway, some of the things I need to stop doing on dates are:
- going on a second date because of guilt. I shouldn't commit to a second date if I am not attracted to a guy. Just because he seems to be a really nice guy, has been rejected by other men in the past and the fact that I am not TOTALLY REPULSED by him, are not reasons for a second date.
- Kissing a guy because of guilt... Hmm, is there a pattern forming here??
- Ignoring that voice in my head. On a few occasions it has strongly suggested that my trip to the toilet become an escape from the date. I have actually sized up bathroom windows and tried to calculate if I and my every growing 'handles of love', can squeeze through, but guilt (yet again) and a history of crap practical application of maths, has led me back to my date (with my head hung low).
- On the first date or two, pointing out the things to the date that I don't like in them. Actually, I probably don't even need to point these things out ever... I am sure that my look of disgust at his moccaSINs are more than enough. God blessed me with an honest face that gives all of my thoughts and feelings away.
- Which leads on to 'being too honest'. It probably is impolite to say to a date 'actually, I'm a little BORED'. Or if they apologise for doing something they feel is inappropriate, I don't really need to screw up my face, shake my head from left to right and say 'yeah, that wasn't good'.
- Speaking of my head, I probably should stop hanging my head to the side or drooping it on the table and sighing heavily when I am bored or not interested.
- I also need to stop letting dates turn into counselling sessions and free ones at that! Over dinner at a nice restaurant, is not really the time to explore in-depth, the date's part in his fractured and failed past relationships nor current traumatic family events.
- Which leads onto my asking about his maturity regarding his finances. We all make mistakes, but if you earn $1500 a week and can't justify where your money goes, my parental face comes out and I start to talk to him about budgeting, his purchases and his financial 'want's' and 'needs'. I should probably stop that, even though my date should really be thanking me for taking the time to help him. On the plus side, if I did cease my free financial counselling during dates, I wouldn't need to keep carrying around blank budget sheets!
- I know that it is kind of wrong to flirt or lead a guy on, not because I like him, but because I am either bored or lonely, so I should consider stopping that. Yeah ok! It is not 'kind of wrong', It is wrong, full stop!
I know it kind of sounds like I might be a smidge of a terrible person...and a nightmare date of gigantic proportions (dare I say datezilla?), but that is not true.. I think.. But then, I am still single....so, go figure...
Do you have anything that you think you need to stop doing on dates?