Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Great news for us men, we still earn more than women. In other news scrotoplasty demand set to skyrocket!

On the 27th of October, the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) released the “Characteristics of Employment, Australia, August 2014” and the breaking news is that women still earn a lot less than men. While this was true for all age groups, women aged between 35-44 can expect, on average, to earn $642 a week, less than men. It seems that this a good time to be a man!

Some have cheekily speculated that this may prompt an increased demand for gender reassignment surgery. Savvy females are expected to make a mad rush towards scrotoplasty as they chase equal pay! The desire to make the same money as males is not limited  by age. Edna Crabapple, 58 of Thornbury, stood at the front of her local greengrocer and yelled at passing males-I want what you have and I won't take no! Jerry Hallwell, 29 of Berwick, feels this may be a much easier way to finally get a pay rise and at the same time lessening her workload! Ms Hallwell said I was going to apply yet again for a promotion at work, but worried the many hours I would put into preparing for the interview, would again come to naught due to competing against males. I have always lost to my male colleagues in the past, who did half as much work, were less qualified and were half as bright! Ms Hallwell feels that you need balls to get ahead in business and instead of whinging and having things stay the same, she has decided to take the bull by the proverbial, and to make change by changing! Jane Manse, 38 of  High St, North Fitzroy (who would like to remain anonymous), has always felt that she was in the wrong gendered body and worries that the gender reassignment surgery she has been putting off, due to binge watching her favourite television programs on Crapflix, will now be even further away as the expected raising demand for surgery blows waiting lists out.

This will come as good news for share holders in publicly listed gender reassignment surgerys/ boutiques. Jeff Hood, CEO of 'Snip and Stitch' who's motto is 'fixing what God botched', has denied this article is a beat up designed to boost flagging stock prices. Males unable to read between the lines, see this as a great opportunity for the smart male to invest their extra $642 per week, into well performing and future blue chip stock - Snip and Tuck Limited. There is some bad news though for women hoping to jump on the gravy train of malehood, unfortunately gender reassignment surgery is expensive and not covered by medicare.

When asked why such important surgery is not included under medicare, the honourable ex Prime Minister A Butt, has been quoted as saying If this expensive procedure was funded through medicare, people may take advantage of the system and we could have an explosion of people changing genders willy nilly". His esteemed Liberal predecessor supported this view and felt that people changing genders willy nilly, or doing anything willy nilly at the tax payers expense, was un-Australian. He then hastily added,  unless of course the person was an elected official representing the people. 

Janice Jones, manager at the Department of Births, Deaths and Marriages, worries that her department is already overworked and the significant increase in workload, due to updating the gender in birth certificates, would be too much for her small department to handle. "Being a small department, the increase in work would be too much for us",She is quoted as saying. Barry Hogg from the Department of Human Suffering, says he can help. We can assist Mrs Jones', née Hogg's, department, by sending them some illiterate and ill-matched-to-the-role job seekers as part of 'the work for the dole program'". Mr Hogg added "As they are only paid an hourly rate of 70 cents or less, and are forced to participate or else have their unemployment payments cut off, these lazy bludgers are a godsend for my mates and siblings in businesses, who shouldn't have to pay minimum wage, especially when it impacts on their profit margins!", he later corrected himself and said that he meant to say that the work for the dole program provides cost effective employment and skills training for the unemployed and makes them 'job ready'. 

Getting back to medicare, male feminists have joined in on the call for medicare to cover gender reassignment surgery. Mary Craig told us that many other men in his biweekly sewing-circle group, share his hope that they can one day finally, really feel what it is like to be a women oppressed by the patriarchy. When asked if he realised that he would be effectively taking a $642 a week pay cut as a female, Mr Craig spluttered "no" as he dropped a stitch. He then added that it could be just as effective to imagine what it is to be like a woman, than actually having surgery to be one.

matthew schiavello. 2015.

Written by me, matthew schiavello for my compulsory 'work for dole' activity. I own all copyright (2015). I am 'paid' 69 cents an hour to participate in this compulsory activity, which is writing for 'community' publications. Unfortunately my activity has no training attached, they know nothing about me or my work/education background (luckily for me I took some journalism subjects back in university). I have to write and submit at least one article a week for use in one of two particular publications. For my compulsory 15 hours of work a week (and article submission/s), I am paid a total of $10.40. Outside of this, I also am looking and applying for actual jobs which are a 'good fit' for my skills and temperament.  I have no idea why these jobs (writing for community publications) are not going to journalists, or even student journalists and paying them an appropriate wage!  Why is our government creating and supporting such exploitative programs?

We seem to live in a civilised society which thinks it is acceptable to exploit the disadvantaged and the creative. Why are jobs being taken out of the job market and filled instead with forced slave labour? Who benefits from people being paid  69 cents an hour?  I hear support in the media and on talk back radio, for these 'work for the dole' programs, why aren't we or our government instead focusing on creating jobs and/or helping people find jobs which are a good fit for them, which treat them with respect and dignity and which pays a fair living wage? Isn't that the Australian thing to do, rather than encourage and support forced slave labour?

If you know of any jobs going in the community sector which have a creative element to them, which are supportive and respectful of the disadvantaged and which pays a fair living wage, please keep me in mind! 

My resume is on Linked in: matthew-schiavello
My artistic/creative folio is here:



  1. Brilliant piece Matthew. Your creative use of that old chestnut 'willy nilly' is disturbingly apt. You know I am a huge fan of your work in all areas, and my eyes are always peeled for an opportunity for you in a job that pays $642 a week more than me, however, Would you be prepared to work for women's wages if it's all I can find? :)

    1. Dear Anonymous, While I would generally prefer to imagine what it would be like to earn less money (than to actually earn less), given my current situation of earning zilch... of course I would happily work in a good job for below fair wage, err I mean for a female wage. ;-)