As crazy as it sounds, I am neither currently attached nor on a list of most eligible bachelors! Yes I know that some of you will find this very hard to believe, some of you will insist that I am lying!!!
My friends, welcome to the sad tale that is my life. On my dating journey so far, I have met some really interesting and lovely people (yeah ok! I might be being nice, just incase one of them happens to read this). Anyway, here are a few of the men I have met, whom I thought ‘Hmmmm this might be interesting’, and it was, but for all of the wrong reasons. These are men who at first I thought were lovely, potential new partners even, but they soon burst my fantasy potential-partner ‘bubble’.
- The cute guy I saw whilst walking down the street one day. As I checked him out, he casually checked out the parking meters in the hope that someone left behind their change.
-The cute man on the tram sitting diagonally opposite me, who picked his nose (in a ‘deep mining for gold’ way), whilst I was checking him out. As my expression turned from ‘this could be the father of my children’ to ‘how can someone so cute be so wrong?’, he noticed my look of horror and raised me a ‘death stare’.
-The handsome man who over a lunch date (so far so good), started bragging about his role as a ‘hatchet man’ for hire, and told me of the pleasure he derived from sacking people in order to cut costs. He then went on to tell me how he once sacked half a workforce, replaced them with temps in order to create an air of uncertainty..which then led to increased production from all workers-gained through the fear that they might lose their jobs, which they soon did anyway- all told with a smile. Nice!
- The guy who over dinner asked me if I would be interested in getting a group of my mates together to piss over him in a local park.
- The guy who over drinks asked me if I would be into a group ‘session’ in a few days time.
-The guy who said the most wonderful things about ‘me’, which made me think.. I might have a ‘winner’ here…and then when it came to talk about meeting again, he said he better not give me his number, incase his partner answers the phone..so he will call me.
which was a little like,
- The guy who’s same sex partner was described as now ‘just being a friend who shared the same house’, yet he still couldn’t give me his home phone number or address.
- The guy who could only see me in secret between 7pm-9pm, because that’s when his mum was being cared for by his sister.
-The guy who whilst out on a date with me, openly checked out other men and commented on how hot/cute he thought they were, he even went so far as to ask me what I thought of a few of them. He ended the date stating how much he really liked me and wanted to see me again.
So, there you have a just a few of the many interesting men I have met, perhaps I have high standards, maybe wanting ‘normal’ is wanting too much! I have no idea. Stay tuned, this time next year my idea of ‘perfect’ might well change from a lovely average down to earth guy, who likes to cuddle while watching TV on a friday night, to being a gangbanging watersports lover, living with his mum,in the closet, has a partner, thinks John Howard is God and checks phone boxes and parking meters for any spare change left behind!