Each month a friend and I take it in turn to chose a theme, to come up with something creative to post on Instagram. Usually I post a photograph. But this months, theme, chosen by my friend Jules 'Don't look back in anger', made me think about doing something different. Here is my contribution (shared here, because Intsagram is not good for long text posts, and try as I did, I couldn't fix the crap formatting.
Don't look back in anger:
“Don’t look back in anger”, they said. Your anger makes us feel uncomfortable. Your anger scares us. Your anger is not needed. It is vulgar.
The truth is they
don’t know what to do with my anger, it is too real. My anger is a
reminder of what they failed to protect me from, from that which has
deeply scarred me. The truth is, my anger helped me survive. My anger
stopped me ending my life. My anger gave me the strength to make it to
the other side. The truth is, my anger is a flag, it yells and draws
attention to those that hurt me, to those that ‘got away with it’, there
were no consequences for them. My anger reminds this society and the
individuals in it, that they failed me, as they failed and still
fail many others.
“Don’t look back in anger” they say, sipping their lattes and brunching away. Don’t you want to be happy? Can’t you move on? Can’t
you let it go, or forget about it? These demands, openly disguised as
questions, make them as guilty as those who hurt me, who abused me. It
makes them complicit in covering up the acts and shows them as
colluding. They may as well have held me down those many, many times.
Don’t tell me to stop looking back in anger. Don’t.
I am not responsible
for your feelings of uncomfortableness. I am not responsible for your
fear of my anger. I get it. I really do. The truth is, that you don’t
know how to sit with my anger and my hurt. That is ok, I don’t expect you to.
‘But, haven’t you been angry for long enough now?’ they ask. Disappointed, I gently shake my head from side to side and reply ‘No’.
Here are two articles I have written as part of my 'work for the dole' (slave labour) activity.
"Are our rights as a person, different to our obligations?"
At the end of the Second World War, as a reaction to the atrocities
which occurred, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights were created to
ensure such things never happened again. But how successful have we been as a
species, or as individuals, in abiding by these articles? How many of us have
read the declaration or are aware of it's existence?
Article 1. states that "All
human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed
with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of
brotherhood". There are 30 articles, amongst these it is stated that we
have a right to live without discrimination and to live safely, we have the
right to a standard of living, a right to education, a right to freedom of thought,
a right to practice our beliefs, and that we have a right to seek asylum in
other countries from persecution (e.g. to escape from those not abiding by
these Articles). But, these are not just our rights to receive, they are also
our obligations in treating others.
As a species, we seem to have habit of scapegoating or underplaying our
actions and behaviours when we need to justify behaving poorly. In my time
working in the family violence field, I came across some perpetrators of family
violence who tried to justify hurting the ones they loved, by making comments
such as 'I wouldn't have done it, if they didn't keep pushing my buttons','They are always provoking me' or 'I'm having
a hard time at work, I come home and I want respect. This is the only way they
understand'. These people who crossed over moral lines (as well as crossing
lines of legal/criminal behaviour), could have been your neighbour, relative,
boss, work colleague, friend or … you get my point.While you or I may not have committed violence
against a loved one, chances are that we have acted poorly in some way at some
point in our lives. Our behaviour could have been direct- talking poorly to or
about others, perhaps we acted in a way which intentionally stopped another
from obtaining something they wanted or needed, or even physically hurt them?
Or we could have acted indirectly by intentionally ignoring a situation.
Perhaps our apathy or lack of action was taken as silent approval of others
poor behaviour, which may have then also encouraged that behaviour to continue?
However we have behaved, chances are that we have tried to justify this, even
though we knew it was wrong (we may even have been ashamed of it), and it is
likely to have been behaviour that we would not wish done to us. The question
is, why do we do it?
Why do we at times, feel that we can act outside of our obligations to
treat others with dignity and which is not in the spirit of brotherhood?
Instead, we act in ways which are essentially immoral. In ways in which we would
not want to be treated, nor have our loved ones treated.And then there is this- we prefer to see
those we act poorly towards, as being seen as 'less than human', as being
“deserving” of our poor behaviour? Sometimes we demonise others or see them as
a threat.
During the Second World War, the Nazis probably found it easier to
treat their fellow humans inhumanly by seeing them as something other than
human and as being “deserving” of what was done. "This is not the same' I
hear you yell out in anger. It isn't, but it is. It boils down to something
fundamental about the way we view others and treat them, which is contrary to
the way in which we would wish to be treated. It is also about our attempts to
justify this behaviour.
The atrocities of the Second World War, affected us as a species so
strongly that we vowed never to allow such things to happen again, not to us or
our loved ones. But sadly, when it comes to those we think poorly of, or have
prejudices against, we appear to find it easy to justify skirting around or
stepping over the lines of right and wrong. Perhaps the Universal Declaration
of Human Rights needs to include some articles on self reflection and
exploration of where our feelings of anger, prejudice and hatred stem from (and
then some additional articles on our responsibility to safely work through the
these issues, to minimise their impact on others). It doesn't make sense that
we would treat someone/s we didn't know or hadn't had any contact with, in a
manner which suggested that had personally done the most heinous of things to
us. It doesn't make sense to me that we would treat a stranger in a manner
different to how we would want to be treated. But maybe that is just me?
matthew schiavello
The Universal Declaration of Human Rights can be found at:
When someone is born
different, there can be many different reactions from other people, reactions
such as acceptance, outrage, anger, love, joy, happiness, pity, shame,
loathing, condemnation, to name but a few. Why? Often those that claim to be
the most devout can have the strongest reactions. When these reactions are
positive and lift people up, when they create an atmosphere of acceptance and
love for who people are, this can be a wonderful thing that can enrich a
community and can assist people in becoming the best person that they can be.
But, when people are hated and hurt (physically, emotionally
and/psychologically) just because of who and how they are, questions arise such
as: why is this occurring? How does it effect the community, is this ok and how
benefits from this negative behaviour?
Some differences can
be easily seen and others not so easily. People may have been born without a
limb/s, with poor or no vision, people may have been born thinking or feeling
differently. There are lots of ways that people can be different. Mind you, this
statement is itself preposterous, as no one is born the same or identical, we
are all different, even identical twins have different fingerprints. Some
people see certain differences as being acceptable or unacceptable. The
question is - who is to say which differences are acceptable or unacceptable?
When people say
others are born wrong, or are an abomination, who are these people to judge?
Who has a right to treat others poorly as a result of perceiving their
'difference' as being 'wrong'? For those that are religious or devout, If a
divine creator created us, and made us just as we are, who has a right to judge
what the creator has created, who dares label the creator's creation as
'wrong'?
The question that
comes from all of this is- What kind of a community would we want our children
and loved ones to live in? One filled with love and acceptance, where people
are shown how to love others for who they are, or a community in which your
children and loved ones are judged, where they may try and hide their
'difference' (for fear of being judged), where they may worry and dread the
consequences of being seen as 'different'?
Matthew Schiavello
2015.
All copyright matthew schiavello 2015 (doesn't really need to be said does it? as copyright is implied the moment I put my creative work out into the world).
I was going to write a (hopefully) humorously scathing piece on bad bosses.
I have had more than my fair share of them, especially those bosses that 'talk the talk' but don't actually follow through and do anything. You know the ones, they don't communicate honestly or well. Here is a recent example:
Boss : "Tell me what I can do, to help you do your job to the best of your abilities"
Me: "Well, as I am on the road 4 days a week doing one-off visits to people living all over the city and it's outlying suburbs.. I really need a GPS"
Boss: "Sure, ummm can you email these people at head office and see if you can track a spare one down and... let me know how you go."
Me (After contacting several people via phone and email.): "No one has one. It was suggested to put a request through to I.T. They can order one for us and bill our business unit."
Boss: "OK, thanks for doing that. Can you give me some quotes for a GPS from this large chain store?"
Me (months after providing the quotes to my boss): "Hi, just wondering how you are going with those quotes for the GPS I emailed you a while back, I really need one."
Boss: "Sorry, I have been really busy, umm.. can you email them to me again and I'll look at that and get back to you"
Me: "Ok, just to remind you, one was $100 for a year of maps and then you pay to update your maps after that, and the other one was $150 for a lifetime of maps."
Boss: "Yeah thanks, if you could send me another email, that would be great."
Me (again, months later): "I know you are busy, but I really need a GPS and am wondering how you are going with that request?
Boss: "why do you need a GPS? no one else needs one?"
Me: " I am on the road traveling to new locations 4 days a week in various suburbs of Melbourne. I am currently printing off paper maps on Fridays for the week ahead, amidst doing all my other admin work for the visits I have just completed and doing follow up work. Going into google maps and printing off the screens is slow and time consuming, and uses lots of paper. The work i-phone has a tiny screen which I cannot properly see when driving. I have tried using the voice directions on their own, but as I am concentrating on the road and other drivers, I find that I am missing what was said. Which means I often have to pull over to safely look at the screen and see where I should be turning, or to see which turn I just missed."
Boss: "I still don't understand why you need a GPS"
I never got the GPS, but I did leave that job after one too many similar situations (and much worse).
Anyway,
I was thinking about the importance of clear and honest communication. About how it is essential to all areas of our lives, be it work, home, friends, family, partners etc.
I was thinking of when you are in a relationship and the other person does something you are not happy with. There is that struggle: do I say something right now? If so, what is the best way of saying this so that they can hear what is being said and do not feel attacked? Is this more about me? Is this significant or important enough to raise? or... the classic - they saw the way I reacted and this is enough to let them know I was not happy and I am sure this won't happen again!
Where do you draw the line about what is important enough to raise? How do you ensure that what has not been raised, does not sit in a growing and festering pool of what has not been said, to possibly one day overflow and become much bigger than need be? In other words, how do you minimise the risk of a future explosion of bottled issues?
If you and the other person have differing communication styles, how do you find the middle ground?
Take the word 'person' out and replace it with partner, friend, boss, brother/sister etc.
Apparently, relationships don't just happen, they involve work!
I was recently listening to Billy Bragg on ABC's 'In conversation' and he talked about being with his partner for 22 years. He said that the really big challenge in relationships is to maintain them. His song 'Chasing Rainbows" off his 2013 LP "Tooth and Nail", is himself at 55 years of age, exploring questions such as: trying to keep up with your partners expectations, and also how to try and manage these expectations.
Billy is a great lyricist and this track has some great lines, such as:
"I know you think if I just tried
We would never fight at all
But I know there will still be days into which some rain must fall
So I'll do my best to meet the test
But darling don't forget
If you go chasing rainbows
Then you're bound to end up getting wet."
Billy Bragg - "Chasing Rainbows"
I would add that we should also be asking ourselves 'how do we also manage our own expectations of our partner/boss/friend/family member and our own expectations on how our relationships SHOULD be?' Yes, 'should' and according to whom?
I recently found myself with one of those classic thoughts, that we all have at some point. A thought that I am glad I caught early on, before it had a chance to become something more than a small thought: "Why should I keep putting in the effort when the other person doesn't. 'They' need to step up and put in as much effort as I do!". Yep, and you know what happens once you stop making an effort.
It is 'ok' and completely normal to feel tired or exhausted from time to time. I know that. If you did decide to stop making an effort, that is completely fine as well, as long as you are really honest and clear with yourself about why you stopped and what the implications for the relationship are due to this. Be really honest, did you stop because you are game playing? Is it tit for tat? Or do you simply not care anymore? Is not making an effort, in line with how you want to be in a relationship? Whether it is your boss, friend or partner? By acting in this way, are you living in integrity?
I guess that is one of the key questions. How do you remain in integrity in your communications and in your relationships. Be it boss, partner, friend, brother, sister, whomever.
Being in a relationship, being one imperfect human with another, means that there will be difficult times. There will be times ahead where you may feel that communication could be better and that one or both of you are not living up to 'expectations'. The trick is how you manage these times. How you uncover what the issues are, what the expectations are and how you work through them together. Just like any team effort, sometimes that means that one person puts in a little more, in order for the team to reach the goal. Sometimes only one of the team members have the necessary skills needed to successfully deal with that particular issue. Sometimes it is the other way round. The important thing is honest, clear and respectful communication.
Anyway... Now to work out what it means to manage 'those times'.
I should finish on something light. Perhaps a joke?
Recently a couple of things were said that made me smile. A work mate used the word 'grouse' to describe how much fun she had at a night out ('Matty, I had such a grouse time') and someone else said they were so annoyed with something they wanted to "wring it's neck". Geez Louise, I can't remember the last time I heard these words/phrases used!
The great thing about slang and colloquial words and phrases, is that we are still able to get our point across to those who are part of our 'social collective'. Language is ever evolving and depending on where you come from, live and who you socialise with, you may well use language that others will not understand. New words/phrases are constantly being created and old words and phrase may fall by the wayside and be forgotten. I have seen (and loved it) the look on the face's of those who didn't understand what was seeing said when they heard such things as:
'She'll be apples'
'That's my blue'
'Ahh ya Bludger
"Pop on ya togs/budgie smugglers"
'Let it rip'
'Built like a brick shithouse'
'That party was shithouse'
'Ya a bloody Bogan, that's what you are'
'Watch out for Bunyips!'
'Go on, chuck a sickie!'
'You're as mean as cat's piss'
'Ahh, I feel like a Coldie'
'Pass the dead horse'
'He's a dag!'
'Fair Dinkum'
'and we grabbed the doovalacky...' also used are 'Thingo', 'Wadjamacallit', 'Thingummy' & 'whatsit'.
'Fair suck of the sav!'
'Ya Galah!'
'G'day'
'Give it a burl'
'Hooroo!'
'He's a mongerel!'
"Have a go ya mug!'
'We're off to the never never'
'In the nud/nuddy'
'you want to see my old fella?'
'It's a piece of piss, mate'.
'Pigs arse!'
Bring a plate!' (and they do, except the plate is empty!)
'That'd be right'
She'll be right'
'It's ridgy didge!'
It was a real rip snorter!'
"I'll have a roadie/traveller'
'The fridge is rooted!'
'I'm a two pot screamer!'
'That stands out like a shag on a rock!'
'Hows that new sheila?'
'I'll have some spag bol'
'You know that new bloke's a sheepshagger'
'Mate I'm stonkered'.
'He's gone troppo'
'I'm true blue mate'
'Your as useful as tits on a bull'.
'Don't chuck a wobbly'
'It's gone walkabout'
'You wacker!'
'Hes from woop woop'.
'Chuck a yewy'
'Ya bloody yob/yobbo'.
It all started back when my mother joined the digital revolution and went online. It wasn't long before she created a Facebook account and then... yes, sent me a friend invite.
I put off responding and took this dilemma to my friends. Their response was a resounding 'NO!'. I think they all added a variation to the effect of 'are you insane? why would you even need to ask if this is ok? Of course it isn't!' Apparently, you do not add your mother to your Facebook account, I understand this now, but couldn't help but feel really guilty! After all, this was the woman that carried me for nine months, gave birth to me, fed me, changed me and loved me.... how can I not accept a friend request from my mother??? What kind of an ungrateful son would I be? So, I ignored the good advice of my friends and accepted my mother's 'friend request' and then things became awkward.
At first it was 'kind of' ok. When no one responded to one of my posts, my mum would support me by posting encouraging comments like 'I like everything that matthew does'.. yep, it's just like the encouragement ribbons I used to get at Little Athletics (cause I was shit at Little Athletics), except this time it is a public post on Facebook by my mother. Anyway, things were reasonably ok, until the phone call. Which went a little like this:
Mum-' Hi, X is sending you a Facebook invite, so just make sure you accept that when it comes through'
Me- 'What??!!, Who is this person??'
Mum- 'you know my friend X...'
Me (becoming a tad hysterical at this point and reverting to a 12 year old)-'MUM! I am NOT accepting friend requests from YOUR friends, OH MY GOD!! My friends told me NOT to accept your friend request and now look what is happening!!!!'
Mum, a little hurt and puzzled- 'Why would your friends tell you not to be my friend on Facebook??'
Me (hearing the hurt in my mothers voice and now rightfully feeling like complete crap!)- 'Cause you're my mum and it is not cool!! But I told them I couldn't turn down my mothers friend request...'
Mum (now with some pride in her voice) - 'come on love, just for me, for your mum!'
Me- 'mum, how did they even find me on Facebook (I have my fathers surname and mum has her maiden name'
Mum- 'well.. X doesn't have many friends so I suggested that they add you... go on , for me, for your mum. I did tell them that you would accept the request.'
Me (feeling that I have no choice in the matter, and making sure my mother knows that I am not happy! and no, I didn't stomp about this time) - 'Ok, that is it!!! no more mum, no MORE!!!! I will accept their friend request, but I don't want anymore of your friends sending me friend requests, ok??!!
Mum- 'Oh, X is not my friend, X is my neighbour.
I just groan at this point.
The next evening, I call mum and advise that I had accepted her neighbour's friend request... mum responded with, 'oh, I just deleted the request they sent me'.
I flip out 'ARE YOU SERIOUS???????". Mum laughs and says 'I deleted it accidentally, I asked X to resend the request'. I think I ended the call very quickly with, 'Ok mum I have to go, I can't talk to you anymore.' All the while I was asking myself, why I didn't listen to my friends in the first place and not accept my mum's Facebook friend request.
I think my mum secretly delights in driving me crazy, in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she is writing a blog called 'Things I do to drive my son crazy'.
This was recently posted on my tumblr, but felt it worthwhile to reprint here.
Me by my mate Dean:
Me by me:
Since growing my beard I have been abused in the street, had
disproving stares and comments from family and friends and generally
been at the receiving end of a lot of racist comments!
I’ve been told on a number of occasions that I should shave my beard
off because I look like a ‘Jew’, others say I should shave it off
because I look like an ‘Arab’ or an ‘Arab terrorist’. This is all said
as if looking like a Jew or Arab is something to be ashamed of. One man
walked past me in the street last week and just as he past me, he
yelled out ‘fucking Arabs!’. This behavior only makes me want to keep my
beard. I consider it an honor to be thought to be part of the rich
culture of my Jewish or Arabic/Middle Eastern brothers and sisters. I
have to say it isn’t all hard going, A couple of middle eastern eateries
I visited, called me brother and gave me some complimentary side dishes
;-)
The bad news for the racists around me is that now that I have
discovered beard wax… the beard will definitely be around for a while!
I do acknowledge that we are all potentially racists in someway, I
know that I have been guilty of it in some ways. I think that racism can
to be taught, learned and past down through the generations. I grew up
with a lot of Greeks who were still very angry towards the Turkish
people for what had happened in the past…These friends were all born
here in Australia and didn’t directly experience the events they were
angry about. I am not attacking my Greek siblings, just using this
example to make a point that leads to a question. The question is, how
do we heal and start to see each other again as individuals and to see
without a lens of hatred and bigotry?
As for me, being gay and growing up on a government housing estate, I
have had my unfair share of homophobic comments and poor treatment. I
am a tough bugger and will plough on regardless of what others think.
Besides, it’s just a beard….. ;-)
Me by Nadia N:
Me by Dani (and yes, I know that shirt needs a rest!):
Lastly, me by me and hey look! different shirt! ;-)
All photographs copyright the respective owners. 2014
I have been pretty busy of late, with a new job, a photography gig that was very time consuming and my usual photography, socialising and curating a photographic blog as well! More of the photographic blog later.... There are many more blogs and images from Amsterdam and Belgium to come, but for now, here are some recent-ish photographs from the Melbourne Now! Exhibition, which I attended with my brother -in- law.
On the way to pick up my brother-in-law:
These are taken at the Melbourne Now, exhibition:
Edo as projection screen:
"underneath it all, underneath all of the different colours that flesh comes in, we are all the same'" :
How is it that no matter what age you are, your parents still seem to have some magical ability to regress us to age twelve? I don't at all mean this in lovely way, you know, a way in which we are transported back to a time and state of being of innocence, where we had no worries about work, mortgages, children, the environment and life as we know it as todays responsible adult. I'm talking about being regressed back to all the crap stuff about being twelve- ie. your parents spoiling your fun and making you do things that you don't want to!
Recently I had a very adult event in my life. The opening of an art exhibition which I was part of and which my mother attended. All was well, until my mother wanted me to do something for her and I was too busy attending to my guests to fulfill mothers wants. Mum kept asking me about a friend of mine I had known for ages. Mum wanted to be reintroduced to her and kept asking me where friend 'X' was. Mind you, I was busy being a host and spruiking my art which was on sale. I did respond to mum's requests with 'she is over there mum'.. to which mum would ask me to retrieve X to present to her. I know what your question is and the answer is: Yes, my mother is the Queen of England. Anyway my mother, whom everyone comments of with phrases such as 'Oh, your mum is lovely' or, 'Oh, your mum is so nice'... etc. Yes well, wait till you really know her, because if you don't give her what she wants, she will turn into the lord of HELL at any moment! as evidenced by what happened next at the exhibition.... As I was busy working the room, I walked past where the queen of England was seated (yes, my mother) and BAM! My mother just about rips my arm off as she grabs me:
Mum- In a steely tone, 'Have you brought your friend X over to me yet? I want to see what they are like after these years that have passed..'
Me, in the middle of working the room at MY event (and wondering why people ask rhetorical questions.. I mean, seriously, If I had brought X over to you, would you have to ask me If I had??)
'No mum, she is just over there' I say as I also point out where X is standing and in fairly close proximity'
Mum- 'go and get her', with her steely tone getting steelier by the syllable.
Me- exasperatedly 'Mum, I'm in the middle of stuff! I'm busy, she's over there' (ie. Queeny, get up and walk over there....)
At this point my mother, whom everyone falsely believes is LOVELY and is always saying ' oh your mum is so sweet etc..... well, she gave me one of those looks, that dark alley stare that says 'do it now boy or I will cut you!' Then, between clenched teeth she demands "Bring her to me NOW!'. At which point, I regress into a twelve year old who has been told to stop playing with his friends and go and do some painful chore. My shoulders hunch up, are then released with a huge shrug and sigh as I turn and STOMP off to collect my friend X. I find X, grab her arm and state sulkily 'Mum wants to meet you', then I STOMP back over to the queen who is smiling broadly, with X in tow....
Yep.... Parents.... no matter how old you are, they are always your parents and can always make you feel like a child, and not in a good way either.
In June this year my sister Leanne recently married Frank. She is the youngest of my four sisters and the last to be married. At the wedding my aunty asked me when will I get married and I replied when the law here allows it. I have posted some of these images on facebook, but thought I'd share them here.
Leanne and Frank- Bride and Groom
My nephew and one of his very mischievous looks:
My beautiful stepmother-the mother of the bride, looks on:
Now that the church bit is done, my brother and brother in-laws' head off for a quick drink before the official reception. Choosing a cocktail is a very serious affair!:
My niece looks up at mum and aunty:
My brother did a good job as M.C. and is below captured in a very Las Vegas moment:
My dad gives a speech as my brother looks on in the wings- 'Stand back junior and watch how it is done!':
Father and daughter dance:
One of my sisters tried taking a few shots of me, on my own and with others, this one was in focus. Another of my infamous non-smiling photos:
All photographs copyright matthew schiavello 2013.
I thought I would share a couple of photographs of the people and faces I have taken so far this year.
Much thanks to everyone (and the respective parents), for allowing me to plast your images (or your childs) on the internet.
Seeing Jan and the world in Black,White and Colour:
Nuria's wedding- Nuria:
Nuria's wedding- her sister Marian:
Who said kids are cute?
My nephew Jacques demonstrates my point- I think I'll take two of these....:
Ok, now speaking of cute..... Spot the cute one below.
Is it...
a) Dean
b) My nephew Jacques (again, but this time cuter! and let's not forget his friend Vincent who is on the right):
c) My second cousin (or is it my cousin once removed?)- Cooper:
or is it
d) me (picture kindly taken by Dean).
Yep, according to my mumand 97% of polled people, the answer is d.
all photographs copyright matthew schiavello 2013 (except where taken by others, then the copyright is owned by the stated photographer).
I am generally saying and thinking the craziest things....
and I think I now know where I get this from...my mum.
This is how the end of a recent phone call with my mum went;
me: 'ok mum, I need to go, I might walk down the street and get some fish and
chips for dinner'
Mum: 'Oh!!! Be careful!!!!'
me: 'Mum! It's in my street, I am just literally walking down my street'.
Mum: "It was on the news that someone was almost kidnapped in
Pakenham!"
(which according to google search is 72.9 km's away from me),
me: 'Mum, I am just going down the street, I'll be ok'
Mum: I'm just saying be careful, you don't know who is out there!!'
I was going to respond with how I have stacked on the weight and they would
need five men from Pakenham to lift me into the back of the van, but I just
couldn't continue talking about potentially being kidnapped in my own street.
Now, some people might find this kind of sweet..... but the thing is Mum will
likely call me later to make sure I wasn't kidnapped on my way to the fish and
chip shop! And If I don't answer the phone she will panic. Now, if I was being
kidnapped on my way back home, with fish and chips in hand and mum was around
to see this, you can bet your bottom dollar that mum would be telling them
off and probably saying 'At least let him eat his dinner!!!'
What effect has this had on me? I am often thinking crazy things and taking them to insane conclusions, let me share:
Recently a mate was telling me how it was too hot for him to sleep in his house
and I suggested, as he lived in the country, he pitch a tent in his backyard
and sleep under the stars. He loved the idea and then my mind starts to wander,
well if I had a son, how excited would he be if he slept under the stars in the
backyard on a hot night! I saw his big smile and joy beaming from him as
he grabbed his torch, teddy bear and child size sleeping bag. Then, I did start
to panic a little about mosquitoes and bugs, but calmed down reminding myself
about mosquito netting in tents, so my son, wouldn't have to spray carcinogenic
bug repellent all over himself...Then as I settle into this calm and lovely
thought of my son, happy to be camping in the safety of our backyard, mosquito
nets up, him behind that sitting on his child size sleeping bag with torch and
teddy bear in hand...all is lovely until I am snapped out of it by 'OMG! what
if while my son is sleeping in the backyard on a hot night, some crazy person
jumps over our backyard fence and steals him ….. or worse!!!!' I start to
hyperventilate, I am really freaking out. After what is surely only a few
minutes but seems so much longer, I somehow manage to calm down as I start to realise that I could stand guard
and sleep in the backyard with my son... and then all is well.... well, until I
think about how I am a heavy sleeper and my son could be stolen away from right
next to me while I am snoring loudly, my loud snores probably being how the child kidnapper zeroed
in, in order to steal my son!!!!!'. It was all because of me!!!!! It was settled
then, that NO MATTER WHAT, my son was to sleep indoors with window locks,
deadlocks, alarm system and security cameras! ah, I was finally able to heave a
huge sigh of relief.
The craziest thing of all is that I have no children.
I am blaming my state of craziness on my mother.
I love you mum.
