Thursday, November 4, 2010

Healthy and brave choices

I am reminded that happiness like many things is a choice. Our days are full of choices, important, not-so-important and everything in-between. Sometimes the choices we make have healthy or unhealthy outcomes or impacts for us.

I consider three recent relationships.

Relationship #1:
Lovely man, aloof and not yet worked through his recent past relationship-including his partner leaving him. Yet I persist and ignore the glaring warning signs, because so many of his qualities are ones I value in a potential partner and I find him quite handsome. The alternative to persisting and living on the hope that he might come round, is living life alone.

Relationship #2:
Nice guy, but I found him boring to be with, as hard and as much as I tried to engage with him. Though I clearly knew this man was not for me, he was a nice person and cute. The alternative was living life alone.

Relationship #3:
An attached man I have seen on and off for a while. Our relationship is not healthy and we hurt each other in many ways. While I did once love him, now it is obvious that we just see each other for sex, though on some level, I am sometimes in denial about this. The truth is, the alternative is to be alone.

Sometimes it’s easier or safer to take a ‘better the devil we know, than the devil we don’t know’ approach with our choices. Sometimes we are so desperate not to face a perceived alternative (in these cases, being alone) that we forge on with a decision, all the while knowing it’s not a healthy one. And sometimes, sometimes we simply delude ourselves that what we have is healthy.

Sometimes we betray and lie to ourselves, believing that we cannot do anything different or even dream of a better situation. Sometimes, sadly, we believe that we don’t deserve better. These are times when we are our own worst enemy, barring our own path to happiness. But it doesn’t have to be like this, not when our days are full of choices.

Sometimes it’s as simple as just saying it out loud. Just opening our mouths and letting the truth that so desperately wants to be known, to revel itself. Sometimes it’s as simple as just dropping our shields of fear, that have done anything but protect us, to allow in the truth with its message of liberation. Sometimes the message smarts a little, sometimes it makes us smile (that cheeky- ‘I knew that’ smile), and sometimes if we are lucky it leaves us a gift of wisdom, sometimes.

As for me, what will I do? I might take my own advice for a change, breathe deep, let go, and bravely take a step into the unknown, into my new tomorrow.

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