Friday, July 26, 2013

The 'D' word!

There seems to be so much confusion on when a date is an actual 'date'. Maybe confusion is not the right word, maybe it is hesitation and maybe it is pride that have seen the 'D' word move into a similar realm to the 'L' word. When I refer to the 'D' word, I of course mean 'D' for date. Insanely, just like the L word, we seem to fear using it. Heaven forbid we say it out loud and it isn't returned!

Many a conversation has been had with my friends over the definition of a date. I defined it as being a meeting between two or more people (I am trying to be open minded here!), that like each other, are attracted to each other in some way and  want to see if something more intimate than a friendship will come of things. Obviously a blind date is a little different as there is no attraction to draw the parties together to begin with, but the aim is similarly to see if something more intimate than a friendship will occur.

A date (as stated in a previous blog post) is  where we 'get to know each other' through conversation.
It is an opportunity to highlight how amazing each person is, and to convince the other person that we are worth seeing again. It is also our opportunity to decide if we want to spend more time with the other person.

How does a date differ from a catch up?

I am glad you asked! A catch up is what I do with friends. It is a continuation of sorts, a continuation of meeting, of conversation and of friendship. Do I even need to point out that there are no romantic or sexual feelings between myself and my friends?  Let me be clear. My life is not a Hollywood movie, in which everyone knows my best friend and I are meant for each other and it is only after some significant event that we realise that we loved each other all along and then are together for the rest of our lives.... Chances are no one elses life is like this.. well the majority of us.. and the reason is.. our lives are real and not some Hollywood film plot written with the aim to bring momentarily happiness into the lives of the unhappily single, or unhappily partnered.

One person I dated famously argued that we had not gone on any dates, but had just 'caught up' a few times. His definition of a date was that if both parties meet and AFTER meeting decided that they were interested in meeting again to see what happens, then it was called a 'date'. Crazy stuff yeah?
I pointed out that this doesn't work with a 'blind date' i.e. it is only a blind date if after meeting both parties decide that they were interested in meeting again to see what happens... My ex-date begrudgingly saw my point and conceded defeat! And yes, now says that we went on a couple of dates.

What is so wrong with using the 'D' word? Are our own egos so fragile that we will only use it if the other person likes us enough to want to see us again? Is the 'D' word fast becoming the new 'L' word, and possibly soon to over take it? Are we now tentatively trying to suss out if the other person will respond in kind before we dare use the 'D'  word ourselves? Perhaps the word is getting stuck in our throats as we struggle to say it, as we struggle to commit to something, to the word, to the concept and to the idea of a possible new emotional beginning.

Maybe the D word is fast becoming the new L word, but I am going to do all I can to make my dates more accountable and to get them to overcome their fears and commit!, if only to the concept!


  1. D Words, L Words, F Words... it all eludes me at the mo' :P

  2. Bless you heart, Matthew.

    I once had a first face-to-face with a fellow I had met online; There was so little chemistry that I wondered what we were doing exactly. The following day I mentioned to a friend that I was not certain about its official date status.

    He told me that he'd never ever been on a date that he was unsure of the date-ness of. And I felt like an idiot.

    1. Alex, I'd say we are a rare breed and in some ways this may be true, but maybe we are just old-fashioned? Hmm, are they the same thing?
      Is dating a tired concept that is ill fitted to these times. Perhaps a 'dateless' society is a positive step forward. A new world in which we are not tied down to the rules of meeting, what follows and the awkward conversations if we do not wish to continue the mating dance or ritual. Freedom to be and to see whom we like and how we like. Is that such a bad thing?

  3. I think you are right our egos are to fragile, it is sad! I am going to join you though and encourage people to commit to the concept. I wish we could all embrace the D word and be more confident about it.

    1. Dear maple girl, I think we may have just started a movement!