Plans

It’s funny how we can make plans in life, dream our dreams of happiness and content. We can get so caught up in the dreaming, in planning the perfect life, that we forget about reality. What is the saying.. ‘even the best made plans are laid to waste’ ?

We dream of a life with that special person… but when we dream that alone, all that can come is heartbreak and that sound…. the sound of the dream crashing down around us.. the culprit? – none other than our old friend ‘reality’.

Do we stop dreaming?

No! For how sad a life without a dream!

Do we give up hope?

No. But what else is there for us to do?

What else is there that cushions the fall that will likely come?

I have no idea,

but for now...let us all continue dreaming,

for want of a better life,

for love.

There but for the grace of God go I.

"There but for the grace of God go I"



What a sobering and humbling statement. I think that regardless of your belief system; agnostic, a believer in organised or disorganised religion, or if you are none of these and an atheist or defined by something other, either way I feel there is something in this saying for us all. Feel free to replace the word ‘God’ with what ever you feel most comfortable with. The whole point of this phrase is that, this could be us if circumstances were different. Who amongst us can hold this thought in mind whilst seeing a person in need or in crisis and not want to assist them in some way?

  

I have recently been fortunate to have worked with some amazing and lovely people at a drop in centre and have had many a humbling experience. I have had many people be accepting and supportive of me, when my role was to be there for them! I don’t mean that I have taken my issues to work to have clients assist me, but that when clients saw that I needed assistance or help in anyway, they were there asking what could they do to help me. I have seen people who had nothing but a few dollars to their name, give this to someone else they thought were in more need of it then they themselves were...and there I was a few feet away thinking if $100 cash would be enough to pay for the meal and drinks at some restaurant I was eating at that evening. This world of ours can be so focused on material and financial success, at the expense of all else. We are so focussed on ‘self’ rather than on ‘us’. I wonder if we are entering an age of focus on egotistical success, were we compete for the most number of ‘friends’ or followers on face book, or what ever social media we bare our souls on, because MY thoughts are important and everyone wants to know about them (the irony is in no way lost upon me). We become focussed on others listening to us, rather than engaging in mutual dialogue… but now I digress (and best explore this point of mutual dialogue another day). We are too often focussed on achieving our goal of ‘success’ what ever that means for us, that we often fail to see those that are in real need (where will I sleep tonight that is relatively safe- the doorway in the lane near the police station or in the shrubs at the park, where can I get a meal- not having any money nor eaten for a couple of days). In failing to see these people, we obviously then do not ask ourselves how we might be able to assist them.

Maybe we are not all cut out to work with our disadvantaged brothers and sisters. Maybe we are better placed to offer what ever support we can from a distance. Maybe our own situations are such that despite wanting to help we are unable to do so at this point in time. I am not here to point a finger of guilt at anyone. I am here to ask as all, including myself, to remember from time to time that phrase ‘there but for the grace of God go I’ and spare a moment for those who due to circumstance are currently placed where we may one day be.

bubble busters

As crazy as it sounds, I am neither currently attached nor on a list of most eligible bachelors! Yes I know that some of you will find this very hard to believe, some of you will insist that I am lying!!!

My friends, welcome to the sad tale that is my life. On my dating journey so far, I have met some really interesting and lovely people (yeah ok! I might be being nice, just incase one of them happens to read this). Anyway, here are a few of the men I have met, whom I thought ‘Hmmmm this might be interesting’, and it was, but for all of the wrong reasons. These are men who at first I thought were lovely, potential new partners even, but they soon burst my fantasy potential-partner ‘bubble’.

There was:

- The cute guy I saw whilst walking down the street one day. As I checked him out, he casually checked out the parking meters in the hope that someone left behind their change.

-The cute man on the tram sitting diagonally opposite me, who picked his nose (in a ‘deep mining for gold’ way), whilst I was checking him out. As my expression turned from ‘this could be the father of my children’ to ‘how can someone so cute be so wrong?’, he noticed my look of horror and raised me a ‘death stare’.

-The handsome man who over a lunch date (so far so good), started bragging about his role as a ‘hatchet man’ for hire, and told me of the pleasure he derived from sacking people in order to cut costs. He then went on to tell me how he once sacked half a workforce, replaced them with temps in order to create an air of uncertainty..which then led to increased production from all workers-gained through the fear that they might lose their jobs, which they soon did anyway- all told with a smile. Nice!

- The guy who over dinner asked me if I would be interested in getting a group of my mates together to piss over him in a local park.

- The guy who over drinks asked me if I would be into a group ‘session’ in a few days time.

-The guy who said the most wonderful things about ‘me’, which made me think.. I might have a ‘winner’ here…and then when it came to talk about meeting again, he said he better not give me his number, incase his partner answers the phone..so he will call me.

which was a little like,

- The guy who’s same sex partner was described as now ‘just being a friend who shared the same house’, yet he still couldn’t give me his home phone number or address.

- The guy who could only see me in secret between 7pm-9pm, because that’s when his mum was being cared for by his sister.

-The guy who whilst out on a date with me, openly checked out other men and commented on how hot/cute he thought they were, he even went so far as to ask me what I thought of a few of them. He ended the date stating how much he really liked me and wanted to see me again.    

So, there you have a just a few of the many interesting men I have met, perhaps I have high standards, maybe wanting ‘normal’ is wanting too much! I have no idea. Stay tuned, this time next year my idea of ‘perfect’ might well change from a lovely average down to earth guy, who likes to cuddle while watching TV on a friday night, to being a gangbanging watersports lover, living with his mum,in the closet, has a partner, thinks John Howard is God and checks phone boxes and parking meters for any spare change left behind! 

In response to early spring

In response to my blog on early spring, a dear friend in Western Victoria posted me some pics of bloom in his garden. He was more than happy for me to share them on the blog.
enjoy!

Early Spring

Early Last week on my way to work I noticed I was feeling a bit 'Blah', so decided to get off the tram a few stops early and walk. Sometimes I find a good walk cheers me up. This walk through the back streets of Fitzroy wasn't doing much for me until I looked up and saw some beautiful blossom.WOW. My heart was filled with joy and I set off to work with a big smile. I decided to go back with my camera a few days later and take some pictures of the flowers I saw blooming, in order to share the joy.

 

 

Joking about with the boss

I have been at my new job for about three, going on four weeks now and a few times my new boss has joked about a few things here and there. I have smiled and lightly laughed (to be polite), but recently I decided that I should respond and keep the laughter moving… Big mistake!!  Given my many moments of comic hilarity, I thought I was making yet another of my witty and amusing comments, but then my boss did this thing where she looked at me firstly with puzzlement which then turned to disdain.. you know the look, that one you have when you step in something soft and smelly and then realize it’s dog shit… Yeah.. that’s how my boss looked at me.  She then made this weird noise, that came somewhere from the back of her throat… a soft, angry, buzz,  not quite human, which she held for a few moments whilst still giving me that look and then walked off. Not a good sign, after all I am still in my 3 month probation period.  

After this incident I have refrained (well, as best I can.. but you know me..) from making hilarious comments in response to my boss sharing her own humorous ones… except… well, I figured that her boss might be a different story.

Her boss sported a 3 day growth/beard thing last week… and I felt that we are like twins now because of it.. I made a few comments.. did some hand movements- gesturing at OUR beards, I smiled and threw in a few ‘hey, nice look’ comments. After the weekend, first thing Monday morning he walked past his office to where I sit with a colleague and asked us how our weekend was. That’s when I noticed the beard was gone. Obviously you are going to ask, what happened…I mean who wouldn’t? I asked it in a light hearted way.. “hey, what happened?” as my arms flung about (Damn Italian heritage!!!). He told us some story about his parents visiting, apparently his mum hates beards so he shaved it off, even though his brother has a long term beard… So of course I ask him if he has asked his mum what her problem with beards is… I then took his silence as an invitation to keep talking….Of course I did. I then told him about how at my graduation my dad complained that I didn’t shave, and I told him, that ‘this is my look’, but my dad doesn’t understand the ‘look’ ( I mean this ‘look’ of mine has transformed me from average Joe with a large nose and very weak chin, to a sizzling hot stud. This ‘look’ dazzles, transfixes, it seduces! I don’t have to waste my time with corny pick up lines, the ‘look’ does all the work for me, I don’t even need to speak half of the time. I am positive that if I did a survey, I would have at least 17 if not more,  respondents say that the ‘look’ has significantly improved my performance in the bedroom.  Now… obviously I am thinking this and not sharing with my boss’s boss, my thoughts on how the ‘look’ has transformed my life). So.. at this point, my boss’s boss is still just looking at me in silence, So I stare back in silence waiting for a laugh or comment. It was a little like a stare out… I thought.. does he not get my story?..do I need to go over the whole thing for him, or just a few keys points? Just as I am about to ensure that he gets what I am saying, My boss’s boss quietly responds with ‘err… no I haven’t asked her about that’, turns and walks off quickly.

I just don’t get it…. what’s wrong with these people?? Should I stop sharing my brilliant sense of humor with my superiors’? I feel bad thinking that they would be missing out on the ‘good stuff'.. still, despite my boss, and her boss not getting the 'good stuff'.. I remain confident that my boss’s boss’s boss will have a sense of humor. I can’t wait to meet him or her !

New York bed Bugs.

I always had this feeling that I was special, that I would one day do something that would touch the lives of many people…. and I think that I have discovered what it is.

The Age newspaper has reported a bed bug infestation in New York:

http://www.theage.com.au/travel/travel-news/new-york-under-attack-as-bed-bugs-make-unwanted-comeback-20100913-157g6.html

http://www.theage.com.au/travel/travel-news/bedbugs-put-bite-on-big-apple-20100803-113x2.html

Well…..I think this was me !!!!  I think I imported Parisian bed bugs into New York! Let me explain how. In July this year, my friend Mary and I were in Paris and were attacked by bed bugs in our hotel room…. I thought I escaped untouched, I moved on to the UK and then to New York. It wasn’t until I was in New York did the bites appear and at that point I then vacuumed out my suitcase, washed all my clothes in hot water and placed them in a hot tumble dryer (shrinking my cotton Lacoste polos in the process).  At one point soon after this in New York, a close friend was in my hotel room… and I thought I saw a bed bug on him (I am good at spotting them, Mary and I were catching them in our hotel room in Paris). Like a maniac I acted at once and struck out trying to swipe the bed bug off him. I then tried to casually stomp on it and act as if nothing had happened. My friend asked me if I was ok. I off-handedly replied ‘I thought I saw something on you, an insect or something’. I shrugged off his question and then looked about manically towards the floor for the crushed bug, all the while trying to remain causal. It had escaped!!!!!  I commented ‘Must have been some fluff’. My friend must have thought I was crazy at this point, because I was still trying to act casual, relaxed even, all the while trying to spot the fiendish bed bug… was it under the draws?, the chair? the bed?? It had escaped!! but to where?? I never did see that bed bug again. I guess it joined the rest of the illegal immigrants in the United States of Freedom and laid its eggs, doing what all racists fear that migrants (legal and illegal) will do and that is breed and take over and It has!! All because of me !!! I have had many a sleepless night worrying about my friend and if I sent him home laden with bedbugs. I have been too embarrassed to ask. I guess the articles in the Age have answered my questions.

To my friend, to New York itself and to all of its residents, I am so sorry!

reclaiming life and a recipe for dealing with unhealthy thoughts!!!

Recently I have been thinking about someone I like…but I was thinking about him to the point where I was anxious about what he thought, felt and how he might react to what I said and did. Yeah, I was pretty insecure !! But now I have turned a corner. Now I am reclaiming my life.  Sure you’ve heard it all before, I am only human, and am one of those annoying ‘two steps forwards, one and a half steps back’ kind of people. I have been a bit up and down of late and who knows how I might feel tomorrow, God knows I don’t!! But for now I am feeling better and not worrying so much about how he views me. The craziest thing is that this guy that I am so worried about is the loveliest person in the world and I can not ever imagine him ever wanting anyone to be anything other than them selves! In fact, I could not imagine this person not being accepting of anyone, and here I foolishly stand worried, creating a state of anxiousness for myself.

Here is a ‘recipe’ I use (when I remember), for dealing with unhealthy thoughts:

Step 1- Recognise/Acknowledge the thought and then let it go.

Step 2- If you find that the thoughts come back, then try step 1 again, If the thoughts keep coming back then try replacing the thought with another thought such as focusing on your breath.

Focusing on your breath: is where you focus or shift your attention to the sensation of your breath/the air entering and leaving the end of your nose. If you have difficulty with this one you can try focusing on the sensation of your chest/stomach rising and falling with each breath. The main point is that you are thinking about and noticing the physical experience of these acts. The great thing about this activity is that this is a breathing meditation, so apart from shifting your attention from anxiety provoking thoughts, the focus on breathing will also hopefully be claming and relaxing. A double win !!!!

something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue- september 2010

Something old:

Lorraine Ellison   - “Stay with me Baby”-  If you have ever loved and watched your partner slip away,  you'll understand !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBJ1rv39Pws&feature=related

Something new:

2 tracks this month !!!!

Best Coast- ‘Boyfriend’     ahhh  sublime summer pop... so simple and right to the point- think of the one you have a crush one and sing your heart out !!!  I know i do.

“I wish he was my boyfriend
I wish he was my boyfriend
I'd love him to the very end
But instead he's just a friend
I wish he was my boyfriend”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sh67tSQ9p8k&feature=related

 

Cee Lo Green- “Fuck you”  - fun, funky and you can sing along !!!  say no more except 'fuck you!'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc0mxOXbWIU

Something Borrowed:

Muph 'n Plutonic -"Once In A Lifetime"   Unfortunately the quality of video is not great.. but it is one of those great cover versions in which the artists make this their own- and they are Aussies who rap with Aussie accents!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGXwwXTiCfo

Something blue:

Joni Mitchell- off her amazing Lp ‘Blue’, the track ‘California’. This is a live version and Joni is simply astounding live.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-q4foLKDlcE&feature=related

Feel free to comment and leave your own list's and links !!

You’ve got mail

Friends that know me, know that not only is this film a bit of a guilty pleasure, but that I am a bit of a romantic.. I like a nice lovely film where people meet and live happily ever after, like-‘when harry met sally’, ‘an affair to remember’ etc. I am not ashamed letting all know that not only do I own a copy of ‘you’ve got mail’, I have seen it countless times and I still cry/get weepy in a couple of key parts…

Yeah, It’s true. I think that love will conquer all.. well on the proviso that you are in love with/or still love the other, and that you want to conquer all. Meg Ryan’s character ‘Kathleen’, makes a heart filling and inspiring statement at one point in the film when asked if there was someone special in her life and she responds “no, but there is the dream of someone”. Who doesn’t melt at this thought.. ahhh.. yes the dream of someone, of that special person. Of the one that we would want to spend our lives with.. I am no fool just wanting to fall in love.. believe you me. I have had many opportunities and met many lovely men, but I am emotionally mature enough to know what is right for me.. and that is to commit to the right man.. someone who is a decent, honest, loving person, who has a good heart, compatible temperament, is physically attractive to me and someone who accepts and values me as I am and as I would accept and value them the same.. And If I met this person, as nice as the thought is that we would walk off into the sunset, the reality is, that we would get to know each other and be really sure of things before we made a commitment or promise of sorts.. a cold, careful (tentative?), way of doing things?..no,I think its a mature, sensible and realistic way.

anyway back to the film… 

Tom hank’s character ‘Joe’ has an epiphany at one point, he realises that it is possible ‘to find the one single person in the world who fills your heart with joy’. At one point in discussion with this person, he talks about what if they had met under different circumstances and says “I would have asked for your number, and I wouldn't have been able to wait twenty-four hours before calling you and saying, "Hey, how about... oh, how about some coffee or, you know, drinks or dinner or a movie... for as long as we both shall live?"”  … ahhhhh  how utterly lovely. I watch this and sigh. When will I meet a man who says that to me???  This film has so many lovely lines of dialogue, as well as a fair few terrible and cringe worthy ones, but the good lines make it all worthwhile… lines referring to email communication- ‘you’ve got mail.. some powerful words’.. who cannot connect with that and recall fondly,  the anxiousness and excitement that we have and may currently feel? New emails in your inbox from someone special can make your day seem more wonderful and worthwhile.. and their absence… well.. the absence of them can dampen your day if you let it.. me, personally I try and make do with re-reading older emails, but they never match the excitement felt with a new bit of communication from that sweet, special man….  

The thing that I really like about “You’ve got mail ” is that this film draws our attention to the fact that we can judge people on superficial things such as their job, and if we were to really get to know them without that stuff.. we might really, really like them. We are doing ourselves a grave injustice and missing out on engaging with some wonderful people, all because of prejudices based on insane schema (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_%28psychology%29) we might have. I must admit that upon watching this film again recently that I did decide that I was now a bit disappointed with the ending,  this same ending that I once loved and cried over, I now saw an element of meanness and manipulation…but we can talk of that another time.. For now, if you haven’t seen it..then do so…if you hate it.. don’t blame me,  but do check to see if you have a heart ;-) 

You’ve got mail…. 3 very powerful words 

The good, the bad and the ugly: Sept 2010

The good-

Recently I finally gave in and purchased moistened toilet paper!!! Yes, those wacky ‘flushable toilet hygiene wipes’ . What can I say.. I am getting older!! Where I would once be a strict recycled unbleached- no print toilet paper, kind of person….Proudly wearing my sandpapered backside as an eco-warrior badge of sorts, now I am at the age where I now want something soft and gentle on my most precious of body parts… well second of most precious of body parts!!  Selling out my eco-values??? Probably… but that’s what happens with age..perhaps calling it ‘re-considering my priorities’ will help me sleep better at night? Nah, I think the soft gentle slightly moistened toilet wipes will instead.

The bad-

I used to work on an office and received a multitude of the dreaded and most painful of painfuls - the paper cut! But after a while something happened.. inexplicably I was no longer a victim of this abhorrent of work place accidents… instead something worse has happened.. I am now a magnet for the cardboard cut!!! some think it a myth.. but believe me it happens, and does most times that I come into contact with cardboard. In my new job just last week, I was filling the photocopier with more paper, which I was retrieving out of a cardboard box and BAM!! KAPOW!!!!! you guessed it!! OUCH!!!

The ugly

I have been going to Italian barbers’ for years… I can’t recall a time when I didn’t…well maybe I threw in a couple of Greeks from time to time.. but recently I tried to expand my horizons and try a local middle eastern barber. I now feel that his barbering license needs to be revoked, for he was cruel and inhumane!!!  I mean, come on.. what is there to do with that tiny remaining follicled space a top my head? How can you do some much wrong with so little???? Not only did he shave a ‘gap’ on each side of my head between my ‘sideburns’ and my beard… I mean … WTF????.. just leave the hair to grow where ever it wants to.. If we encourage it, perhaps it will try recamping up top, where everyone but me seems to be having a hair party.. but more importantly and painfully..  This ‘barber’ dry shaved my neck !!!!  YOWSER !!!!  it still stings like all kinds of hell… When did they start teaching that trick in barber school???

 

Adventures in an adult boutique – the haggle

Recently I have helped out a few times in an adult boutique…. yes, you guessed it- for those of you in the ‘know’, and for the confused people out there.. it’s a sex store. This store has all manner of goods for sale, and all manner of customers coming in to buy them. A mature european gentleman came in recently.. ok…the term ‘gentleman’ is stretching it, I think he was someone’s old, short, bald, Macedonian granddad wearing glasses that he has had for about 20 or 30 years if not more because he is too tight to style up. He was looking at the cheap porn that is for sale. Let me tell you about this cheap porn. There are 3 types; a $5 dvd; a $7 dvd/or four for $20; and lastly a $15 dvd/and some bulk deal. anyway… Granddad (as I will call him) was looking at the cheap $7 porn and started haggling with me. He wanted two for $10, rather than pay the $14. I suggested that he buy four and get them for $20, resulting in essentially getting them for $5 each. This was not enough for granddad. When I suggested that we have the $5 porn, which he could buy 2 for $10, he went off about how he brought a car and haggled three and a half thousand dollars off the price.. I replied ‘BRAVO!!, that’s great, congratulations!!’, which was a mistake because now he was haggling even more. I did the whole ‘I’m not the boss, I shouldn’t be doing this, I could get in trouble but…’ thing and offered two dvd’s for $12. OMG !!!!! It was as if I had insulted him, he went off!!! - Your not willing to negotiate!!!, what kind of a person are you, you don’t want my business!!!  I thought and wanted to say ‘fuck off you tight ass, its fucking $7 dollar porn’. I did however say, ‘My friend, this is not a market place to haggle, you want to negotiate, the price is $14 for two dvd’s, you say $10, I compromise to $12..I can get in trouble for doing this, but for you, I will do it… this is negotiation, you’re the one not willing to negotiate with your ‘$10’s that’s It’.’ I then went on to tell him that I doubt I could go to any other shop and buy ANY dvd for $7. He was moping about and suggested that if I am not going to negotiate he will just buy the one dvd. Eventually I told moping granddad, ‘ok.. I’ll give you the two for $10, but if I am not here next time you come in, you will know why’ and I mumbled something about my boss sacking me. Granddad was thrilled and then spent ages trying to find another DVD to buy so that he got the discount. Mind you, all the while he was complaining about the quality of the $7 porn. I did say ‘my friend, if you are not happy with the $7 porn, try the full priced ones, I never hear complaints with those’. He left with a big smile, two dvds for $10 and told me I was a good man.. I did realise that I probably wouldn’t be there the next time he came in… hopefully he won’t feel that he was the reason why…I did also wonder if he was going to go home and tell others, his wife, kids (if he had any) or other sales assistant’s about how he haggled $4 off two big black cock porn dvd’s.