The Good:
This past week I got out of town and up to Woodened, where
Tomboy bill has an exhibition on at
Cafe Ethic. Check out Tomboy Bill's website, as she has some cool pics by that Photographer to the stars-
matthew schiavello. According to their Facebook page, Cafe Ethic is all about "a sustainable shopping experience". They are at 63 Urquhart street, Woodend and "stock flours, sugars, herbs, spices, pastas, cereals, gluten-free
products, grains, laundry powders, detergents, soaps, and so much more
.... all free from packaging :) bring in your own canisters/containers,
or use our recycled ones".
Here are a couple of shots of Cafe Ethic to tease you.. if you are in Woodend, do check it out!!
You know me, and as far as I am concerned it's all in the detail:
The Bad:
The accident..... Yes it had to happen..... You see... I was taking some pictures of myself to update an online profile.. I have being growing a beard and it's been a while since I had a new picture.. so there I am working away and suddenly thought, 'Hmm why don't I blow this one image up.. like really enlarge it
and place it so that it is the first thing people see when they enter my home.. OMG I was laughing too hard at this thought, then
went one better (as I do) and thought Hmm.. what if I enlarge it beyond all
imagination and place it over a chair that I ensure I always sit
on. Whenever people come over and talk with me, they will not only be facing me, but me and this HUGE print of my face hanging above me.... and yes I am totally
laughing my cute-little-national-treasure-of-a-tush off at this insane thought!!!
Here is said picture... titled 'Portrait of the egomaniacal artist' (there is a warning here on viewing this portrait, it may disturb some viewers. One close friend had this to say after viewing it- "woooha! That's a bit creepy actually...you look like some kind of weirdo cult leader!!".... and I say 'Keep the compliments coming!'):
Anyway... there I am rushing about, thinking I am running late and need to catch a tram to meet a friend in town (we were hoping to have a fun filled evening of taking random photos of what ever caught our combined eye). So, I have my camera bag, lenses and camera, umbrella, water bottle, mints, discman, with change of cd, notebooks, apple to snack on etc.. yeah, the bag almost weighs more than me....
As I leave the house a tram is coming, so I run... and as I run I am thinking about the photo of my face, blown up and my visitors confronted with it, not knowing if I am serious or if this is a joke and I am laughing and laughing and laughing... and at the same time I am running, and running and running for the tram which is almost at the tram stop... and then....The weight of my heavy camera bag shifts and I stumble.... my legs give out... and yes, the tram passes me and everyone on it has a good view of me hitting the ground and I mean HITTING the ground. I skid across grass and onto pavement .. my glasses fly off. as I skid to a stop my camera bag flys over my head and lands on the pavement.... embarrassed I act as if nothing has happened. I see blood on my pants and shirt... No tears or rips.. ahh.. it is ok, it is just coming from my palm. I grab a handkerchief (yes, who is laughing now!!! I always knew that the hanky I carry in my pocket would one day come in handy!!) I put pressure on the blood that flows out of my palm.. I need to go home, so grab the camera bag and casually limp back. I decide that I will open the camera bag when I get home. If my camera or the lenses are damaged, I don't want my whole street to see me burst into tears.
I get home..and yes, It is true, God loves gays!!! She has left my camera and lenses all A-OK!!! I am a believer once more.. I clean up the wounds (thank you 'advanced first aid' course!), dress them, throw my blood marked shirt, & grass and blood stained pants in the wash, change into something else, ignore the pain and head back out.. I am now really late, but am not running..No, no no... no more running for me. As I pass the spot where I spectacularly fell, I notice my glasses still on the ground.. Thank goodness that the glass is undamaged and the rims are only slightly marked. I pick them up, put them on and jump on the next tram... I do have to wonder if perhaps God doesn't like the thought of me filling my home with enlarged images of me?? I'd ask what her problem is, but I love how my camera and lenses currently work and are in their respective 'one piece'... Not that I am accusing God of being stuck in the old testament ;-)
The moral of this story is, 'punishment awaits all egomanical artists'. Or is it, 'walk don't run?'.. maybe both, or something completely different, I have no idea.. seriously.
Here is a picture of my palm later that night. It looks so much better that it actually is. I went to the chemist the next day and he looked at it and suggested some bandages:
The Ugly:
Really my ego and the accident should go here... but alas, more of what people love!! Dodgy porn parodies from that 'place'.
Watching Happy Days now creeps me out, Who thought it would seem cool, to have the very mature 'Fonz' hanging out with and bullying over a 'gang' of young nerds?...but still, Happy Days the porno.. even creepier!! I wonder if there is a scene with Marion and Howard?:
'How I met your mother' and 'The big bang theory'..I have to ask 'Why?' What would Leonard and Sheldon say?
Bad Santa and American Chopper..... well, they kind of already are a little trashy:
Scarface the porn??? Whats next? Scarface the musical??? You know
somewhere in this film Tony is going to say "Say hello to my little
friend!"
all photographs copyright matthew schiavello 2012
