Sunday, October 17, 2010

How neuroticism saved my life

Some may see that having neurotic tendencies may be a hindrance to life, rather than a help. There have been many times in my life where I would agree that having slightly neurotic tendencies has been a hindrance. I am fortunate that I often identify what is going on in my head, acknowledge it and let it go. Recently I was on a date and as is the case most times I eat, food became stuck in my teeth… so on the way out of the restaurant I obtained a toothpick from the establishment and sorted myself out. On the way back to my car with date in tow.. I searched for but could not find any rubbish bins I kept carrying round this tooth pick in my hand and thinking about what the date would make of this.. before I know it, we are in my car and heading off to have coffee at a café in another area…now, as I don’t have a rubbish bin, nor ashtray in my car.. I pop the tooth pick in my mouth and drive about like some country hillbilly.  On the way to the café my date and I are doing the ‘getting to know you’ chat, I have a tooth pick jutting out of my mouth, am also concentrating on the road and looking out for an appropriate café AND THEN my neuroticism decides that it is feeling left out and wants to have a conversation with me as well.. suddenly I am thinking about how IF at this point in time we are in a serious car accident,  the toothpick in my mouth will likely pierce my cheek or the back of my throat.. and this will not only be painful but an embarrassing site for my date to see… yeah.. crazy .. don’t I know it.. I live with these thoughts all of the time…

So.. about neuroticism saving my life… There have been times in the past when I have felt really low and wondered what the point was in living. Now, I must point out that fortunately I have not felt like this for some time .. but, there have been times when I have thought about how best to end the misery that is life and each time when I was at the point of making a critical decision …do I hurl myself off this bridge into the rocks below, do I swerve my car under the semi-trailer that is alongside me etc.. my dear and loving friend neuroticism pops its head up and starts a conversation with me… suddenly I am thinking about how, knowing my luck, I will probably survive the event.. I see the mangled car and me in it being ok/or me laying by the rocks ok and needing help to get back up to the bridge, and embarrassingly surround be onlookers… I see myself living a hundred years, but now with some form of permanent pain or injury due to the event, the thoughts then snowball even further from there and obviously… here I am! Alive, well and loving life. My recent date experience gave me cause to reflect and think about how sometimes something that we see as being a nuisance or a pain, can at times also be a help and a benefit to us. So, thank you neuroticism, my dear friend, and while it is highly likely that you might have been both the cause of many of my problems as well as the saviour.. lets not point fingers and lay least for today.  

**for those that might feel they want some help with depression,or if reading this has triggered something, a good starting point might be Beyond Blue (in Australia):

or you can call them on 1300 22 4636

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