Friends, Explosions in the sky and the unexpressed - Repost of a piece originally posted on 17/04/2007

The friend who inspired this post from 2007 is going off again for another long trip overseas. I started to think about how I will miss him and remembered this post from four years ago. He also gave his permission to add his reply to the post. Do you know how I know this man is a dear friend? We can be very honest with each other, sometimes getting into heated discussion and never have I stopped loving him because of it. He pulls me up when I need to be (which is often) and it is always done from a positive place. There is mutuality there, as there is love.  So J.B.G. have a safe and wonderful trip! This is for you, in all of it's original awkwardness...

"Friends, Explosions in the sky and the unexpressed"

Why don't we tell our friends how much we love them? I have close friends that I have known since god knows when, and yet I don't think that one of us has seriously said to the other 'I love you'. Is it a gender specific thing? I am gay and haven't said it to gay or straight friends and vice versa, So it doesn't seem to be based on sexual preference. That's why I wonder if it has something to do with gender. Do women say "I love you' to their female friends?, or to their male friends? Is this a widespread phenomenon or do I just happen to be in a group of emotionally inexpressive people? Myself included.  LOL

My friend John is leaving for a 9 week trip overseas. Back to mother England, the Midlands to be precise and then off to soak in the culture of the other countries around Europe. Though I am happy for John, I also feel very sad. We talk often, on the phone, on the net, sometimes face to face. John lives about 5 hours drive away from me (most of it driving at 100 kms an hour). He is a very close friend who has given me great advice, feedback, an ear, a shoulder and more. He has many aspects I admire. He is honest and genuine. It dawns on me that I am sad because an important part of my life will be gone. 

The stereo plays softly, it's just after midnight. The post-rock group 'Explosions in the sky' are on. The LP is called "all of a sudden I miss everyone", and I do. The music slowly builds, peaks, creates a space before building and then climaxing beautifully. The tracks are all instrumental. Sometimes noisy and sometimes loud, but always in context to the whole. The tracks take you on a sonic journey In which the texture embraces you gently as it meanders along to its destination. It creates an environment, a mood and it makes a point. None of the tunes are throw away or filler, they are all important. I close my eyes and I let it take me to a place within, to a place in my heart, my core. I think of John and my sadness is heightened. Track three begins, it is 13 and a half minutes long and is called "Its natural to be afraid". I let it enfold me gently. Its title prompts me to reflect on why I feel sad, and how important John, and indeed, how important all my friends are to me. I realise that I have never really expressed this thought to any of them. Sure a few times in an intoxicated state I would spurt forth all manner of thought and in a slur tell my mates how important they are and how much I love them… but never have I done so sober, and I am sober 99.9 % of the time. 

I sit back and listen to track 5 "catastrophe and the cure". My favourite track is next, "So long, lonesome". It is beautiful. In my mind I change the title to "So Long, John have a great holiday", and I promise myself that one day I will tell my friends just how much they mean to me.

Currently listening :

All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone

By Explosions in the Sky

Release date: By 20 February, 2007 

"So long, lonesome":

The reply-

Hi Matthew

What can I say -all that stuff about me - I blush. What you have written about other things though is fine and you are right we don't say how we really feel often enough. I still have probs though with love. I admire many people immensely, but do I love them? I think not. See I think love is not about admiration love is a word associated with those feelings which drive you mad when someone is near you and you can't touch them; drives you mad when they are a minute late home or for a meeting; love is about the person who listens and tells you how it really is; whose very presence in a room stops your breath and makes you feel wonderful from top to  bottom; love is when you can lie together for hours and days and say little but say everything. That is why I never use the word lightly and I suspect most others feel like that. Love as a word is over done in America and is in danger of losing its value. I can' bear the thought of it being used here in such a light manner, because it will be devalued and we shall need to find another less dramatic way of expressing our most basic feeling. Four letters but when used to express what they really imply the most powerful in the world.

Enuff of this

Go publish and thank you

luv ya