Saturday, June 9, 2012

What is it with...'Pass on my regards'?

I hate the whole 'pass on my regards'... unless the parties know each other and all are open to receiving each others regards. It can be an unwelcome imposition...because once you receive the regards, you then have to return the regards and people can be offended if their regards are not returned or returned appropriately. That in itself is a whole other blog piece! My parents are always telling me to pass on their regards to people they don't know... I am like 'Why?.. you don't know them.. they don't know you.. what is the point?'. I flatly refuse to do this.. where does this sort of behavior lead to? Will my parents feel some sort of connection and invite themselves along to events?... or ask to say hello to these people on the phone and have long conversations? Crazy stuff!

Recently I mentioned to a friend that I was off to a very sad event and upon hearing where it was to be held, my mate lit up. "Oh say hello to 'X', he will be there. He is lovely, I knew him well, years back. He had a nickname.. it was ' Mama'!..make sure you use his nickname when you say hello!!!".  I couldn't help but think this was just a little odd and you all already know my feelings on passing on regards. Apparently my mate and the rest of 'Mama's' friends all thought he looked 'like a big fat Italian mama'!, hence the nickname. Kudos to them for being brave in the face of political correctness! I planned not to pass on any regards and let the whole topic of conversation, slide off into a deep dark hole, except that my mate kept going on about it, "Oh yeah, Mama was such a great guy, seriously make sure you say hello and pass on my regards, and make sure you call him MAMA, MAMA, MAMA!!!!"' So I get to this event...and like most people, I am sure would have done, I could have lied to my mate and told him- 'Oh yeah, I passed on your regards and he said the same back' and then quickly changed the topic of conversation... but no, not me....and do you know  why not me?, because I am my own worst enemy! So.. all through this serious and sad event, I am waiting for the right moment to go up and pass on the regards.... finally I spy my chance...I approach Mama and introduce myself...and in case you are wondering, no, at no time did I refer to him as 'Mama'.

Mama is thrilled that my mate recalled him, "Oh, that's great, I have been wondering what happened to him, how is he going, what is he up to , how do you know him.." Yes.. I was suddenly being cross examined. All the while my mind is racing.. can I share that bit of info with Mama? Does Mama know that my mate is gay and has a same sex partner... ekk!!! WTF can I share??!!!!!!!   I am in a right pickle and feeling that suddenly this is getting really tricky. I am cursing my mate for putting me in this awkward position....I mean, look.. Mama looks gay and my gaydar says he is .. but is he? and even so, does my mate want him to know?  I am feeling that this is becoming way too hard and just as I am thinking of my exit plan, Mama asks me for my mates phone number.. I freeze.. and then say idiotically 'err, ummm yeah.. look he is in the process of moving.. and changing why don't you give me your number and when he gets a new landline and calls me, I'll pass on your number for him to call you'.. OMG I am brilliant!!!.... until I remember that just about everyone has a mobile phone... and the whole thing sounds made up... I think Mama thought the same thing at the exact same time I did and his face drops as a painfully awkward silence follows. After what seems an eternity, Mama replies, ''Umm yeah.. ok.. I'll grab you later and pass on my number,' I have to say that I was puzzled, what?, mama couldn't give me his number right now? Is this an excuse? I start to feel annoyed and a little angry and as Mama leaves I am suddenly filled with fear that maybe Mama thought that I wanted his number for myself? Maybe, Mama thought that I liked him?? yikes!!!!  Oh man.. I hate this whole 'pass on my regards' thing!!!!

 So there I am cursing my mate for creating this insane situation ... grumble, grumble... when I begin to wonder if maybe I was overcautious with not giving out my mate's number.. You know, he was really keen on me passing on his regards and he did talk a lot about how lovely Mama was and how much he liked Mama, etc... So I call my mate on my mobile (because as you know, just about everyone has one).

Me- "Hi, I am at that event I told you about and met your mate"
My Mate- "What event?, what mate?"
Me- "Umm you know.. that sad event at X.. and your mate X"
My Mate- "Sorry Matthew, I am confused, and not sure what you are talking about"
Me, Screaming shrilly and about smash my phone against the nearest persons head- "MAMA!!!!!!! MAMA!!!!!!"
My Mate, oblivious to my tone and my screaming- "Oh yeah!!, Mama!! hey, how is he, did you pass on my regards, he is such a nice guy"
Me- "Yeah I did and he asked me for your number.. I don't like giving out peoples number's without their 'ok', asked him for his number and said I'd pass it on"
My Mate- "Phew!!! Good one, yeah, God no.. don't give him my number!!!, Not sure if I want to talk to him, anyway, gotta go, chat later.. thanks for passing on my regards!"

At this, I am just numb.. Ummm, what just happened? Even now, weeks later I still don't understand. All I know for sure is, there is a reason I dislike the whole 'pass on my regards'!


  1. That's hillarious; I always laugh with your blogs. U should start writing a book. Ed

  2. Schiavello, you've done it again, haven't u.

    love it, love it, love it...

    x Mama

  3. Thanks Mama Tomboy and Mama Ed.. you are both too kind :-)

  4. Hehe - yeah, pass on my regards to your mate too!

  5. Shoulda just outed the dodgey prick to Mama! (You know I don't do warm and fuzzy)

  6. Thanks W&S... Next time i see Mama, I'll say you said hello! ;-)
    And as for you my cute, warm and fuzzy Anon man..... I don't out people, I just get stuck doing favors that I end up regretting ;-)